Tear You Apart
by ksjf2012
Summary: This is a sequel to Wont Hurt Him, which I know a lot of you liked. It's going to be very heavy drama, which is a little tough to write but also super fun. It is a slash (Kogan and Jarlos) so if you don't fancy those, don't read it!
1. Chapter 1

I couldn't help the smile on my face as I watched the slideshow of beautiful pictures go by. Every picture that I saw made my heart burst because I knew that besides the little knick knacks and personal items in the pictures, the whole design was mine. My name was on every aspect of them. The color on the wall, the crown and base morlding design was mine...even how the couches, or the beds, or the small appliances were set up was all mine. My idea. My vision. And someone, not the first, and hopefully not the last, believed in my abilities so much they paid me to put my vision in thier new home. My whole life I worked so hard, for it to now pay off, and that made me so happy, I could easily burst. "Coffee break?" I turned away from the computer screen and smiled at the man walking in my office, holding two coffee mugs. I sat back in my chair and turned it sligthly watching him the whole way. As soon as he set the mugs on the desk by my mouse, he put both hands on the arms of my chair and leaned into me. "How is it going in here?" His lips pressed softly into mine, for just a moment. When he pulled away he glanced over his shoulder and smiled small. "Was this your last client?" I nodded tucking my fingers into the waist band of his jeans tugging slightly. "It's beautiful."

"It wasn't hard to do. Thier budget was rediculously huge and let me have a lot of freedom." He nodded turning back to me just as I glanced over his shoulder looking out at the bright bakery just outside my office. "Are we busy?" He shook his head leaning back in, except this time I turned my head, not letting him kiss me. "We need to finish our grocery shopping."

"You're a punk." He stood up fast and tried to turn, to leave my office but I was too fast. I shot up out of my chair and wrapped both arms around his stomach from behind and gently bit donw on his shoulder blade over his grey shirt. He laughed putting both hands on my arms. "Let me go tell Chris and Emily." I nodded letting him slip out of my arms and walk out of my office taking his coffee mug with him. Before he disappeared from my sight I took in his body and felt a rush of love run up and donw my spine, to my brain and finally stopping on my heart. To know he was with me...woke up with me, went to bed with me...cooked me breakfast in bed every now and then, and to know he only wanted to be with me the rest of his life, could possibly, actually make me burst.

Kendall was never the end game. If you asked me three years ago how I felt about him, I would probably tell you, I hated him. I hated that he exsited. But that was only true because he was in a relationship with a man I tried so hard to love. I know I was the scumbag because I was the one fucking around with a guy in a relationship. But that same man promised me he loved him, he just couldn't hurt Kendall by leaving him. That's why I hated him. Because he had a man who truely loved him. And I didn't. Little did I know that my affair would turn into me falling in love with Kendall but in the past three years, I never questioned it. I knew in my relationship with Kendall, I was the lucky one. The fact that I got a man who not ony knew how to cook, could fix anything wrong with a car, and had an amazingly fit body with a pure heart full of gold never made me question my self worth. Because everyday he told me I was the best thing to ever happen to him. I believed him.

I tried to hid my smile and shamefully, lust, as I watched him pull on a black leather coat and talk to his two assistant managers. I stood in the door way of the kitchen, coat already on, both hands shoved into the pockets. I don't think anyone caught onto me starting at his muscels as he pulled the coat on, or me staring at his ass as he adjusted the coat once it was on. But I mentally kicked myself because I knew better. I shouldn't have even watched him get himself ready to go shopping with me. Everything this man did set me off. Either in a good way or bad, but usually in a good way. I hated how easily I crumbeled under his presence. I never used to be that way but everything was thrown out the window with Kendall. Everything I thought I knew about myself changed. Drastically. And not in a way that Kendall forced me to. Hell, even if that was the case, i don't think I'd care. "Ready?" I glanced up to see him staring down at me and I nodded walking out past him to the front of the bakery. We both said goodbye to the young girl at the cash register, before he pushed the door open for me, from behind me and we stepped out into the harsh cold wind.

"I want to go to Bed Bath and Beyond first." I let him put his hand in my coat pocket, tangeling our fingers together. His other hand held onto a to go cup full of hot coffee. I quickly reached out for it, and he let me take it, smiling small.

"What's at Bed Bath and Beyond?" I took a big gulp of the hot coffee but shook my head handing him the cup back. "I'm sorry my parents didn't come out this year. I know you were looking forward to it since the house has been finished." I only shurgged tightening my fingers around his still in my pockets. "But it's not like we'll be alone." I looked up to his face as we stopped in front of his four door black BMW. He nodded leaning down and kissed my forehead.

"Are you positive they both want to be there? Seeing as they broke up not two months ago?"

"They promised me Loges. They promised you. Besides, neither of them will have anywhere else to go." I let him walk away from me to the drivers side and I begrudingly went to my side. As I slid into the seat, the car already on, I pulled my phone out of my pocket and frowned seeing no new messages or calls. ""Have you talked to either one of them?" I faced Kendall as he turned the heat on and turned the music up just a little.

"Yeah. Carlos came by yesterday while you went grocery shopping. He apaogized for not being at the bakery in a while but is having a hard time dealing with everything." He chuckled but nodded, backing out of our parking spot. "He wanted to know what he could bring to dinner on Thursday. I told him to talk to you." He once again nodded making me reach out and set a hand on this thigh as he drove down the street. He slipped his hand under mine and held it gently, neither of us needing to say another word.

Kendall sort of complained about the amount of time I spent in Bed Bath and Beyond, only because i was going over board. I bought new napkins, silverware...literally anything that I thought we needed. We spent an hour in there, and about 400 dollars as well. But he didn't care. He said he was tired and wanted to go home but, he mostly stayed quiet saying, yes he liked that, while keeping one hand in the back pocket of my jeans. I offered to drive for him, since he was tired, but he declined putting me in the passenger seat. We went to Costco and spent a couple hundred more dollars and by the time we left it was almost 6 at night. Before going home, he made one last stop at the bakery, letting his crew know to leave at 7 tonight instead of nine because the storm was coming in fast, and grabbed my backpack and laptop. When we finally pulled up to the house I smiled wide. Our house was gorgeous. And huge. We could easily house at least two families of four with us, with still extra room. But the best part of it, was that Kendall let me decorate and demolish how ever I liked. This house was ours, bought with our own money, but it was mine. My style, and my personality. Kendall was just the cute little extra gift who I got to sleep with every night.

Kendall parked the car in our driveway and because I was too focused on how beautiful our house looked from the outside, I hadn't noticed he didn't park in the garage until he grabbed my arm and held me inside the car. I gave him a weird look but he simply nodded to our front door making me look. As soon as I saw the man sitting on the bottom step leading up to our wrap around porch I sighed out realizing James's car was parked out on our curb. "He's pretty ballsy showing up here." I ignored Kendall's soft voice as I got out and shut my door fairly hard behind me. The noise made him look up and stand up fast pushing the hood off his head. I approached him slowly hearing Kendall mumbling to himself as he started grabbing bags from the trunk.

"Logan...hey." I smiled small putting my hands in my pockets, shivering at the howling wind. "I was going to call but...I figured you'd probably ignore me." I resisted the urge to roll my eyes, knowing how right he was and kept a blank stare. "I know Carlos probably talked to you already." I only nodded and he smirked looking down rubbing the back of his neck. "Do you hate me?"

"No." He glanced up fast but not because of my answer. We both heard Kendall walking up behind us and I tensed up. Carlos was like Kendall's little brother. To think of anything happening to him, made Kendall turn into the hulk. I admired the hell out of him for it. "DId you screw around with your new partner?" I felt Kendall stand right behind me making James stare right at him. "Who happens to be a girl?" I raised my eyebrows at him making him look away fast, shivering slightly. "Carlos is so devestaed James. And from what he told me, you don't even care."

"Of course I care." Kendall laughed behind me, but we both ignored him. "We went out for a drink after work. That led to us making out in the back of her car. I didn't have sex with her."

"That doesn't matter." I felt both eyes fall on me and I shrugged. "Carlos already doesn't think he's good enough for you. Your ego and self-absorbed brain make it easier for him to think so. The minute you got in the back of a car with a women made it about 100 times harder for him. So don't try to tell us, or him you care. Because you don't. And don't you dare say it wasn't a big deal because all you did is make out. Kissing someone else is still cheating." I breathed out hard shivering at the wind, now blowing in snow. Very lightly but enough for me to want to run in the house build a fire and sit in front of it with Kendall.

"So I take it then, you guys dont want me over for Thanksgiving?" I rolled my eyes turning around and gave Kendall a look I hoped he could read: Don't kill him but don't let him off the hook. Kendall smirked before looking at James and I walked past him going back to the car for more groceriers. I heard Kendall tell James we still wanted him to join us on Thanksgiving but if he pissed Carlos or me off he'd kick him out. Just as I had both arms full of bags and started walking back up to the front door, James was heading out. I gave him a look that could only suggest I was mad at him, but still cared an awful lot about him. He simply walked past me pulling his car keys out of his jacket and went to his car. I gritted my teeth walking up to Kendall who still his hands full of bags and sighed out.

"Do you think he's ever going to learn?" I snorted at the thought as I walked up on our porch and frowned at the big brown package on our doorstep. I set a few bags down as I grabbed my house key from my pocket and pushed the door open. When I had all my bags back in my hands, I gently shoved the box in with my foot and let the warm house make me feel comforatble. "The girl he hooked up with wasn't even cute. I mean not as cute as Carlos." I stopped walking as Kendall walked by heading straight to the kitchen.

"Do you want to rephrase any of that statement?" I heard him laugh making me frown as I walked in the ktichen with him. He set his bags on the island while I put mine on the floor by his feet. "You're an asshole."

"And your an adorbale jealous prick who has the temper of a MMA fighter on steroids." He tried to walk out past me but I put my body in his way, blocking him. He smirked putting his hands on my sides leaning donw. I let him kiss me, but I didn't kiss back. "I love you Logan Mitchell." I couldn't help but smsile hearing the words out of his mouth and raised my hands quick. I cupped both sides of his neck and kissed him back, both of us smiling in the kiss, while I whsipered softly in between each peck of the lips.

"I love you too Kendall Knight."

 **disclaimer: I don't know if it's super obvious but I have dyslexia that appears every once and a while. Usually I read my stories two or three times before uploading but i may not catch some mistakes. So i'm sorry if it's bad!**


	2. Chapter 2

I wasn't surprised to be woken up by Logan's soft, sweet voice. It drifted into my ears and immedietly set my brain on fire. To know that he was still iin bed next to me, even though he was talking to God knows who on the phone, made me feel greateful. No matter that when I opened my eyes, i wasn't facing him: I knew he was there and that was enough for me. "Yes." I blinked my eyes a few time as I stretched my toes under the blanket and felt a yawn start to come up and out of my throat. "No." I started to turn myself on the bed but a warm hand cupped over my hip making me go still. "On file." I moved my head and looked behind me to see Logan sitting up straight in our huge California King bed, blankets covering his body. His small slim laptop was open on his lap while he had his headphones in his ears, his phone shinning bright up at him. I frowned as I rolled over and laid flat on my back rubbing my eyes. Logan's hand that had cupped my hip was now resting palm down on the area right below my belly button. "No." I lowered my hands from my eyes and stared up at him while he grabbed a coffee cup on his nightstand and took a quick little sip. When he lowered it, he swallowed the liquid fast and smiled. "Well we have power for another month." I frowned moving one hand down to his on my body and rolled over onto my side closing my eyes.

"I didn't even know we had a bill due." He laughed over me as I pulled his hand up to my mouth and kissed his knuckles.

"That's why I take care of the bills." I nodded pushing myself deeper into him and rested my forehead on his thigh. "We got a few inches of snow out there. Thank God we finished the shopping yesterday." I nodded again as the hand I was holding of his, moved out from my grasp and he started running it through my hair. "And Carlos texted. He said he was able to open the bakery with no problem and it's already packed." I opened my eyes looking at the black boxer breifs he was wearing and pushed my hand forward underneath his thigh making him tense up. "And I've been up for two hours now and had to make my own cup of coffee."

"Did the kitchen catch fire?" Before I got the whole sentence out he was closing his laptop and putting it on his other side. He pushed me hard and crawled over me, setting his ass down right on my stomach. I huffed out smiling, watching as he leaned forward and opened the blinds right over our bed. I tried so hard to be sneaky and reach out and touch his dick but he swatted my hand away without even looking down. "You're fiesty this morning." He sat back down on me, hard and set his hands on my pecks locking eyes with me. "What's wrong?" He shook his head softly but I knew better. I sat up, putting one arm behind his back while the other held myself up. He slid down just a little bit on me but stayed in very close contact with me. "What's the matter?" He laughed and shook his head again putting both hands on my face.

"Nothing baby."

"Logan." He dropped his hands quick and we stared at each other. "Do you think I don't know you? Or know when you're upset?" His line of vision dropped to my torso and I smirked. "What's going on?"

"James doesn't want to come over for Thanksgiving." I didn't mean for my laugh to come out so loud but when it did he started to push off me. I held him tight and shook my head as he glared me down. "See. It's nothing."

"No it is...but why is this surprising to you?" He sighed out falling back on his butt inbetween my legs. "James is going to spiral into the selffish jackass he always turns into when things fall apart around him. He's going to ask for pity by sulking and making people feel bad for him."

"This time is different Kendall. He loves Carlos. Carlos loves him." I nodded and Logan shrugged. "Do you remember when James cheated on you?"

"Yeah I think it was with some cute guy who I fell head over heels in love with." He laughed turning away and shook his head. "James wasn't sorry for what he did. I mean...I know he said he was but you and I know better."

"This time I really think he is sorry." He turned back to me and leaned in laying his head underneath my neck yawning loudly. "And when I talk with Carlos...it's almost a if he's hiding something. Like he wants to tell me something but never does." I traced up and down his bare back with both hands and set my chin on his head. "I'm worried about them both Kendall."

"And that is alright baby. But you know what?" He slowly pushed off me and I gave him a small smile hoping he knew I meant well. "They are both grown men in thier 30's. They need to figure it out themselves. And you need to not stress about it." He threw his head back laughing which made me frown. I tickeled his inner thighs making him squirm and kick at me. I quickly jumped off the bed, completly nude. "Maybe this morning, for a change, you can make me coffee."

"In your dreams lover boy." I smiled to myself as I walked in the bathroom, looking at him in the bathroom mirror. He was crawling off the bed, hair a complete mess and tiny little red hickey's on his chest and neck. But he was smiling. His face was glowing. He looked happy. Which made me happy.

I took a very short shower, knowing even though neither of us worked the next 6 days, we had alot of work to do. He wanted to put up our Christmas tree before Thanksgiving because that was just how Logan was. He wanted to set up the spare room for Carlos, and or James to use the night of Thanksgiving. He walso wanted me to sit down with him and help him map out the huge backyard renovation we were going to be doing come spring of next year. He was a complete pain in the ass sometimes...well most of the time, but I loved him for it. He was so specific with every aspect of his life, I'm not surprised he gets paid alot of money to decorate peoples homes. I'm also not surprised he was able to expand into the construction aspect of homes. He was so good at what he did, at times he was intimidating. He's a perfectionist. He's a romantic. He's a genuis. But he is never rude. He never mocks anyone for not knowing something. He never judges someone for any reason at all. For the past three years I started to learn the reason he was like this was because he feels like he has to make up for the stupid things he's done in his life. But hindsight is 20/20. You can't change the past but you shouldn't ignore it either.

I dressed myself comfortably, but warm, knowing he was going to make me go in and out of the garage, almost all day. By the time I got down stairs I felt giddy. Logan was sitting in the middle of the living room, boxes and totes around himself, a fire blazing strong just feet from him. And while he looked adorable untangling Christmas lights from each other, it was his outfit that got me. He was in a pair of black sweats, most likely mine. He had on one of my black and red flannel shirts, one of the thick ones. He was wearing white socks and to top it all off he had a baseball hat on, backwards. He looked so fucking cute, it was actually really sexy. "Didn't you say you wrapped these lights up, last year?" I smirked as I approached him and saw the frustration on his face as he fought with the string lights. "Sometimes I think you do things the wrong way so I don't ask you to do them again." I stopped right by him, bent at my knees and kissed his cheek.

"You're catching on." Before I could back away the back of his hand gently swatted at my dick. I laughed straightening back up and stretched my arms out over my head, cracking my back. As I glanced through our huge living room windows I whisteled low at the white blanket surrounding our house. "It's pretty out there."

"I know. I took some pictures of the trees out back. I'm gonna have them printed and blown up so we can hang them." I nodded as I started to walk around him on the ground but one of his arms hooked around my knee cap making me stop and look down. "There are some doughnuts and bagels on the coffee table." I looked at it quick and felt my stomach growl. "I also made you a cup of coffee you big baby." I giggeled as I grabbed a chocolate covered doughnut and my cup of coffee. I took a seat next to him on the floor and took a big bite. "So...I think I got all the Thanksgiving boxes out of the garage. I just need you to get the tree and that box of all the glass ornaments high up in the attic." I nodded taking a sip of my coffee and watched him as he went back to untangling. "Also..." I rolled my eyes looking around at the boxes around us.

"Why is there always and also with you?" He elowed me as I took another bite and sighed.

"I asked James if he wanted to help us decorate today and he said yes."

"But he won't come for Thanksgiving?" He remained quiet which made me turn to him. "Why won't you just let them figure things out themselves?" Just as he turned to me, anger slowly rising, there were fast sharp knocks at our front door. I quickly finished my doughnut as Logan stood up and walked over me. I twisted my neck to see him open the door and let James walk in. He kicked out of some snow boots immedietly and picked them up.

"You can put them by the fire." James nodded and smiled down at me as he walked by. I smiled back as Logan walked right up to me and set a hand on my head. "You want some coffee?"

"No thanks. I've had about 3 cups already." Logan moved past me again and sat back down huffing out as he went. "You do know there is a such thing as going overboard right?" I chuckled as James sat on the floor in front of us and reached in a box. "Shit...look at this." He pulled out a picture frame and flipped it over to us. Again I chuckled as I reached for it hearing Logan groan next to me. He laid his head down on my shoulder as we both looked. It was a picture of all of us...Logan, James, Carlos and myself. We were standing infront of my Christmas tree at my old condo, three years ago. Logan was leaning on one crutch while also leaning into me. Carlos was on the other side, with his arms wrapped around James who was smiling big holding a champagne glass.

"Look at how cute you are." He whispered it into my shoulder making me lean into him quick and kiss his forehead. "And this isn't overboard." I handed the picture back to James who smiled looking donw at it. "You should see all the stuff Kendall bought for me yesterday." James looked up fast and shook his head at me. I shrugged sitting back against the coffee table. "So...since it's a little sunny out I was hoping I could get you two to help me put up the Christmas lights outside." I groaned quietly as I rubbed his back but nodded once he turned to me. "You know I hate going up on the ladder." I nodded again and he turned to James, while I looked at him as well. "You need to eat anything before we start?" James laughed pulling his legs up to his chest but shook his head.

"No...but I was hoping we could talk for a minute?" Logan nodded putting the knot of lights on my lap and sat back. "I know I told you I wasn't going to come for Thanksgiving without giving a reason. But I do have a reason." I resisted the urge to roll my eyes and he continued, wrapping his arms around his legs. "Carlos and I..." He stopped and looked right at me, saying nothing for a few seconds before he moved his eyes back to Logan. "Carlos and I were having a really rocky time before I fucked up." I raised my coffee cup to my lips seeing Logan sit up a little closer to James. "He has sort of deveolped a problem."

"A problem?" Both of them looked at me, Logan giving me a dirty look so I put my cup back to my lips.

"Yes a problem. A serious one." I saw Logan nod reassuringly. James looked a little flustered but continued. "He has been drinking heavily for the past 4 or 5 months but it turned into an addiction about 3 months ago." I lowered my cup and went sitll. "I should have told you guys. But he was too proud and he told me he'd leave me if I told you two. He gets so...angry when he's sober. We were fighting constantly and I felt like I was loosing him. Like the man I have been in love with for as long as I can remember was slipping through my hands. I lost control of the situation and felt hopeless. So when I got my new partner at work...I don't know. I felt like because she didn't know Carlos, I could open up to her about him. We started talking and you know I'm a light weight which meant..." He stopped and we again locked eyes. For some reason I was having flash backs to the night I found him in our bath tub, wrists cut open, and a suicide note next to him, telling me of his infedelaties. "She pushed off me fast. She felt horrible and begged me to tell Carlos. She knew a seceret wouldn't help any of our situation. So I did. And he lost it on me." James stopped and laughed looking down, sheilding his eyes from us. "Do you remember the night I came over cause Carlos kicked me out? I had that black eye?" I looked away from him feeling my stomach turn. "Carlos has a weird amount of strength when he gets shit faced."

"James..." I turned back to see Logan sitting forward putting a hand on his arm. "Why didn't you tell us any of this when it happened?"

"Because..." He stopped and looked at me before looking back at Logan. "I didn't think you'd believe me. I know I've fucked up royally before. I knew you guys wouldn't beleive me." For some reason that made Logan look back at me and give me a dirty look. "I wouldn't blame you guys if you didn't either."

"I do." I stared at the back of Logans head and sighed out leaning forward.

"It doesn't excuse what you did." James sat up fast and shook his head.

"I don't want you to think that's why I'm telling you guys now." Logan put a hand on my leg and I wrapped my arm around his lower back pulling him into me. "He told me not to come to Thursday because he thinks i'll rat him out for his drinking problem. He's not wrong but I'm also worried he's going to go too far one of these nights and no one will know any better."

"Well then you better show up Thursday." James smirked as he put his hands into the pocket of his hoodie. "We need to help Carlos."

"Good luck." Both James and I said it at the same time which made us both laugh loudly. Logan stood up grumbling as he went off towards the kitchen flipping us off with both hands over his shoulders, as he went.


	3. Chapter 3

**Logan's P.O.V.**

" _Have yourself a merry little Christmas..."_ I smiled small as I stepped back from the beautiful huge, fake tree putting my hands on my hips, letting the soft soothing sound of DIanna Krall invade my ears. The tree was completly bare still, but I had it set up, and fluffed out making sure the pre-set clear lights worked. And they did. Our fake tree was almost 8 feet tall and as full as a real one would be. It made my heart so full and happy and...Christmassey. I think the only thing that would make it better would be if my parents, Kendall's parents and Carlos were here with us. I knew Kendall's parents weren't coming, and my parents were on some tropical beach in South America, so that was okay. But Carlos could definetly be here. Especially for Thanskgiving. That wasn't okay. It broke my heart to think Carlos was struggling with alcohol abuse and knew I, all three of us including James, could help him. How, not quiet sure yet, but I would figure it out. And something told me if we did it all at the same time he'd feel attacked. So maybe, while James and Kendall finished ptting the lights up outside, I could go pull him away for just a little and talk over coffee. I grinned at my genius idea, just as Kendall and James walked in from the front door, covered in snow. I frowned turning to them, crossing my arms over my chest at thier child like, idiotic smiles. "Before anyone says anything, James started it." I rolled my eyes turning back to the tree and sighed up at it. "It looks great so far baby." One of Kendall's hand snaked around my stomach while his cold face pressed into my warm neck.

"All the lights work. Well...not sure about the multicolored ones yet. But when I go, maybe you guys can get them up for me."

"When you go where?" I sighed again pulling Kendall's other arm around my body and hugged him, as he hugged me. I turned my face slightly to look at him and smiled small.

"I want to talk to Carlos." I whispered it quietly as I heard the bathroom door shut behind us and rubbed his arms around me still. He breathed out hard walking into me, making me step forward. "I think it would be better if we didn't come at him all at once. And Carlos and I have a weird relationship. I'd prefer him hate me, over you." Kendall shook his head and quickly reached up, putting a hand on my face. He pushed his lips to mine and kissed me hard, sort of knocking me off blanace for a second, but I gripped onto him closing my eyes. Just as I did, he pulled away from my mouth and kissed my nose.

"Don't stay out too late. it's starting to snow again. And I wanna cuddle as it blizzards outside." I nodded letting him go, turning back to the tree. "And no matter what, Carlos is a good guy and a good friend. But he's an asshole and if he starts acting like an asshole, you don't have to take it." I chuckled and nodded tensing up as his hands rubbed up and down my sides.

"I'm going to ask him to come to dinner Thursday making him compeltly aware James will there and if he doesn't like it I don't care. And if he doesn't ask for help with the drinking..."

"Are you always going to be that naive Logan?" Kendall and I turned quick as James hung his coat up by the front door and walked to the couch. "I commend you on wanting to talk to him...to help him but he's too stubborn and you're too sweet." I blushed looking at Kendall who sort of got in front of me, back tensing up.

"At least he's going to try something other than making out with random people." I pinched Kendall's butt hard and walked out from behind him staring James down. I took off my baseball cap and ran my hand through my clean, but flat hair.

"If I can start the conversation with him...get him to talk about it, it might be easier for him to think he can ask for help. That's all." James simply put his hands up and I walked away from the two men, to the stairs. "Besides...how badly do you think he's going to react?" Neither of them answered me as I walked upstairs and went into our bedroom.

I was out driving not 10 minutes later. Kendall wasn't lying about it starting to snow and athough I could, I wasn't a fan of driving in the snow. I made sure to be careful and obey speed limits, but kind of cut some corners getting to the bakery. Like I promised I texted Kendall as soon as I got there and made my way inside grateful for the immediate warmth. As the door shut behind me the young girl sitting behind the register stood up fast and smiled big. "Hi Logan!" I pushed my hood of my coat off my head and walked to her, smiling small.

"Hey Becca. How's it going today?" She srhugged looking around and so did I. Almost all the booths were full and a few people were sitting at the counter.

"Pretty busy. Mostly people coming in for hot chocolate or coffee." I nodded turning back to her and unzipped my coat.

"Good." I stopped and saw a few people walking around in the kitchen behind her. "Is Carlos back in the kitchen?"

"No. He's in his office. He said he's been feeling ill today. Taking it a little easy." I frowned but nodded pushing the swining low door open with my legs to get behind the counter. "Would you like some coffee Logan?" I looked over my shoulder and shook my head softly. She nodded and picked her huge book back up sitting back down. I walked into the kitchen and smiled at the three people who were busy stirring, mixing, icing differnt goodies. I walked past them, resisting the urge to grab a fresh made cookie and went down the longish hallway just past the kitchen. I passed the two bathrooms on the right, and past Kendall's office, closed up. When I got to the end of the hallway I stopped short seeing Carlos's door halfway closed. I frowned seeing him hunched over his desk, head in his hands, hanging low. I took in a very deep breath and approached slowly raising my hand. I knocked gently on the wood of the door and pushed it open at the same time. I took one step in getting his attention. I forced a smile seeing how...miserable he looked. I wasn't sure if that was the lack of liqour in his system of the heartbreak over James.

"Hey Loges. What brings you in today?" I put my hands into the pocket of my jacket and watched him stand himself up. When he almost fell back he grabbed the edge of the desk and chuckled low. "Kind of happy you're here actually. I'm not feeling all that great and was wondering if you wouldn't mind covering my shift?" I frowned opening my mouth to say that was something we never, ever did, because I wasn't on Kendall's payroll and it would be unethical, but something stopped me. As Carlos approached me, all I could smell was alcohol. It was like he bathed in it. And just as he stopped right in front of me, I had to reach out and grab him just to keep him standing.

"How much have you had to drink today Los?" He laughed under me and shook his head standing himself straight up. "You know you can't come to work drunk."

"Trust me. I'm not drunk. I just don't feel well."

"Because you don't have enough in you?" He stopped swaying and looked up at me going blank. "I mean...isn't that how alcoholism works? The more you drink the more you become immune to it? Which means you need to drink more?" He shoved at me, making me step back but I held my ground. "James said you've been struggling..."

"James is a fucking lying asshole! And if you were a good friend you'd keep your nose out of my fucking buisness!" I rolled my eyes turning and went to the door. Except, I didn't walk out like I know Carlos wanted me to. Instead I slammed the door shut hard and yanked my jacket off. "Get the fuck out Logan. I don't need you here." I turned quick throwing my jacket to the corner of his office, knocking some papers to the ground. He glared at me from behind his desk and I stepped forward.

"I could call Kendall right now, tell him to come in on his vacation and have him fire you for coming to work intoxicated." His mouth closed fast and he looked down. "I could call Kendall right now and tell him to compeltly forget you. To get you out of his life and move on to find another best friend. Because you clearly don't give a shit about him. If you did, you would know that he cares about you, and would be more than willing to help you. And you wouldn't risk his buisness by coming to work smashed!" He looked up fast eyebrows raised and chuckled.

"Do you hear yourself Logan?! I'm the one who has a serious problem and somehow Kendall and you and James come out as the victims?"

"Are you calling yourself a victim? Because that's fucking pathetic!" I didn't mean to yell, or curse at him because I really wanted to do this with an open mind and a loving heart. I just wasn't expecting him to be in such a shitty state. "No one forced you to drink Carlos! No one forced you to turn into an alcoholic! And James never had sex with that girl! You lied to me and Kendall about that to get us on your side so when James finally came to us about how scared he is for you, we'd believe you over him!" I took another step and he sat down hard hiding his face from me. "We can't help you if you don't ask for it! And if you shut James out and push away your friends, you're going to suffer by yourself!" He put his head back in his hands and I walked to him quick. I turned him in his chair and knelt in front of him shaking my head. "So...if you'd like me to leave, I will. I will never bring this up again and I'll be the type of friend you want. But if you ask me to leave you are telling me that a bottle of booze is more important than our friendship." I stood up quick and waited, for no more than 10 seconds or so, before I shook my head and turned, walking to the door. Before I went to it, I picked my balled up jacket off the floor and pulled it on. Just as I stopped by his door I heard a nose sniffle and his chair roll back.

"Logan..." I turned and drooped slightly seeing the crying, broken man in front of me. "Did James tell you everything? About why...why I started?" I shook my head and watched him stand himself up, wiping tears off his face. Tears I didn't know he was crying. "We got in this really big, horrible fight a few months back. I guess I've always been super suspicious of him. Just thinking he could do better, and I wouldn't blame him if he did. So I asked him who he was fucking behind my back and he called me a lunatic. I asked him to prove he wasn't screwing around my back, and he didn't know how so I took it as him saying he was fucking around." I made a small ticking sound making him look up at me and shrug. "My self esteem and self worth aren't as high as your's or Kendall's." I wrapped my arms around my stomach and stood up straight. "So I told him to leave. i told him to pack his shit up and get out. I left. I went to a bar and...and I screwed up Logan." He walked out from around his desk and approached me putting his hands on my arms. "I got piss drunk and fucked a guy in the bathroom of this bar. And when I woke up I was in the back of his car. I was so freaked out, I went home to James and told him everything. And do you know what he did?" I swallowed hard seeing more tears coming out of his eyes and stepped closer to him. "He told me he still loved me and we'd work through it. He promised he never slept with anyone and he only wanted me. So I spiraled." I lowered my arms and quickly pulled him into me letting him cry on my chest. I put one hand behind his head and held around his back with the other. "In my mind...all I thought was I don't deserve this man. I literally am the one who fucked someone behind his back and he forgives me. He did nothing and I told him to pack up and leave." I swallowed hard and gently started to rock us shaking my head. "The only way I can calm any thought down...the only way I feel alright is if I drink. I wanted...I wanted to come to you and Kendall but I knew Kendall would hate me and judge me..."

"He would not Carlos." He shook his head aggressievly on me and I pet through his hair. "Kendall isn't new to alcoholism. You know that. So don't you think he would have been able to help you the most?" He nodded into my neck. I laid my cheek on top of his head and sighed out. "So you freaking out over James and his new partner?"

"Just an excuse to break things off. He'd be better off without me anyway. Everyone would."

"Stop saying stuff like that. We all love you Los. And we're going to help you. Which means you're coming over for Thanksgivign dinner and having a very long sit donw with James. Nothing can fix that except you and him. That includes alcohol." He nodded again and let out a little hiccup under me. "I think i'm going to call Kendall and tell him you need to go home. I'm sure the team can handle the shop today." He nodded once more as I pulled my phone out of my pocket and quickly brought up Kendall's number. "I'll drive you home too. And while I'm there I'm throwing out all your liqour." He pushed off me slowly and as I put my phone to my ear I saw a little bit of fear flash over his eyes. I ignored it, hearing Kendall's voice and forced a smile saying a quiet hello.

It took a lot to get Carlos in my car, and calmed down. He hated knowing his best friend since they were in college knew he was a drunk. He only hated it because he knew Kendall's dad was a raging alcoholic when Kendall was a teenager. it almost destroyed Kendall's family but they got through it and Donald got clean. But Carlos knew, at least he thought he knew, Kendall would judge him. Even after I assured him countless times, he wouldn't budge. He cried silently by himself in the car ride to his house but kept quiet. I pulled up to James and Carlos's house following out after him as he stumbled to his front door. I said nothing as he cursed under his breath at his keys not working in the lock, and when he finally got the door open and I stepped in, I found out why he hasn't had us over in a long time.

There was at least 10 beer bottles on the coffee table in the center of the living room. On the floor, and the end table on each end of the couch, had more. I felt my throat swell as I closed the door and watched him walk to his couch. He turned his TV on and turned the volume down real low, laying flat on his stomach. I unzipped my coat and almost felt reliefe seeing his eyes close and hearing that first tiny little snore come out of his open mouth. I quietly walked through his house and went straight to the kitchen. If I thought his living room showed how much he's been drinking, his kitchen was worse. There were empty bottles of whiskey, vodka and rum, some knocked over, all over his counter tops. My stomach turned as I walked to the sink and opened up the cabinet under it and quickly grabbed a big black trash bag. I opened it and started throwing bottle inside, trying to be as careful and quiet as I could. I filled it, about halfway and stopped realizing I wouldn't be able to carry it out to the garabge can on the side of thier house if it got much fuller. So I grabbed a second bag and went to his living room, grabbing all the bottles I could see. Carlos was still completly sound asleep. I picked up the random fast food wrappers around the couch and on some on it. Before I walked back into the kitchen I checked under the entertainment center for hiding spots. I remembered Kendall telling me his dad use to hide bottles of liqour anywhere he could. And as soon as I got on hands and knees and opened the cabinet my heart broke seeing the full bottle of vodka and half full bottle of rum. I grabbed them, tucking them under my arm and took my trash bag with me to the kitchen.

I opened every cabinet, drawer...looked through everything in that kitchen finding a few bottles here and there. I put them all in the sink and grabbed more bottles from the fridge, beer and wine bottles included, and started the heartbreaking process of pouring all the liqour out into the sink. I almost regretted not having either or James or Kendall with me, but knew I did the right thing. I just also knew, I was an emotional guy and seeing one of my best friends in his current state was hard. I just wanted to hold him and fix him. I wanted to give in and let him do whatever it is that would make him happy. But thrwoing out all the liqour was the right, and best, thing to do. Just before I left, to take out the two big bags of empty bottles a thought hit me as I glanced around his house.

I never checked his bedroom.


	4. Chapter 4

**Kendall's P.O.V.**

I was shivering, and I was very weak in my legs and my arms. But walking backwards slowly, and carefully to look up at the beautiful lights I just put up on my house made all my aches and pains in my body go away fast. Finally, after almost 6 hours of climbing up and down the ladder, laughing and reminiscing with James and shivering at the harsh howling wind and snow, the Christmas lights were up. They were the ones that twinkle. Well the ones handing from the garage were. The other lights, lining our entire house, even around the windows on the second floor were the multicolored, big, bright classic looking ones. Logan was a genius decorator and house flipper, but one thing always stayed true to him: Christmas was to always remain classic. Which meant the decorations were simple and easy. Big fancy lights and yard decorations were a no-no. We had at least 5 deer's that lit up, still in the garage but he wanted to be here when I put those out around our yard. Other than that, on the outside of our house, it would look simply, yet beautiful. Much like our relationship. "Damn dude…fucking jealous of our work." I laughed looking at James who walked out from the garage pulling his hood on as he got beside me and looked up at the house with me, standing on the end of my driveway. "Logan is going to love this."

"Yeah if he ever gets home." He chuckled beside me shoving his hands into his pockets shivering. "He sent me a text about 45 minutes ago saying he was coming home, with Carlos and dinner. I tried to tell him it's getting way to bad out here for him to drive but…" I quickly glanced over my shoulder at the completely white street behind me and squinted at the fast, heavy and big snowflakes falling down around me.

"He'll be alright man. He's a good driver. Beside…knowing you and he have a high possibility of cuddling he'll make it his mission to get home to you." I smirked as I turned to him seeing him smiling up at the bright lights shining down on his face. His face, I must have just noticed, was red, and his lips were trembling from the cold. It made me gently reach out and grab his arm as I started to walk back to the garage.

"Let's go get warm and have a drink."

"I'll definitely get warm, but I can't drink. Gotta drive." I snorted as I ducked into the garage fast and walked around my car going right to the door.

"You better leave before Logan gets back then. He's not going to want you to drive out in this." I heard him sigh behind me as I opened up the door to get in the house and hit the garage door button fast as I laughed. "Don't even get me started on how that makes sense. Especially with him out right now."

James and I quickly took off our snow boots, our jackets and beanies, and put them in front of the fire to dry faster. I took him out to our huge, clean bright kitchen and had him sit at the island as I went to work, quickly on making us both drinks. I decided on something warm, and made two hot totties, When I finally sat down beside him taking a long careful sip of my drink and noticed he was staring at me, one hand on his cup the other lying on the island counter top. As I lowered my cup and licked my bottom lip I hunched forward a little and frowned. "What?" He laughed and shook his head looking out to my kitchen raising his cup to his lips. "I really…really want you to know something James. No matter what happens between you and Carlos, you can come to me. Especially if it has something to do with Carlos." He nodded as he lowered his cup. He opened his mouth, to say who knows what, but the sound of the front door opening, and two soft voices made me jump up fast and walk out to it. I smiled big instantly seeing Logan with his back to me, as he shut the front door and locked it. He was covered in snow. And then he turned to me, unbuttoning his jacket, holding a bag of some sort of take out, smiling wide.

"Hi baby." I walked out to him slowly noticing Carlos standing beside him, his head down, his hands shoved into his pockets of his jacket. "James is still here, right?" I nodded fast as Logan closed up the space between us handing up the bag of food to me. "Well…I promised Carlos he could stay in the guest room I just finished up. So, James is going to have to crash on the couch." I nodded looking over Logan's head to Carlos still by the door. There was a kiss to my neck as he quickly took the bag back form me. "Would you mind helping him get some towels? He wants to shower before he eats." I looked back to Logan fast and nodded as he smiled and slipped his free hand over my budge in my jeans. "The lights look great out there, by the way." I laughed and bent down slightly kissing his lips. He pushed into me hard but stepped away fast clearing his throat. I looked right at Carlos who was finally looking up and felt my entire heart snap in half. His eyes were sunken in, and he looked pale. Like he was sick. But I knew all to well, that he wasn't sick with the flu or the cold. He was probably hurting without having any liquor in him. It made me walk to him fast, which for some reason made him step back, and press up against the front door. I continued on to him and quickly put a hand on the back of his head and pulled him into me hard. He gasped out as his arms went around me and hugged me softly. I set my chin on his head and put my other arm around his shoulders gently rubbing them. He sniffled quietly under me as I sighed out and tried like hell to find the right words to say. Nothing came to mind.

After hugging him for a couple minutes I walked him to the spare room downstairs Logan had just finished decorating, neither of us saying a word. I took his coat from him and hung it up in the smallish closet, turning back to the door. I cleared my throat and flipped on the hall light and opened the linen closet hearing him walk out behind me. "You need some clothes?" I grabbed a huge towel along with a white robe Logan bought specifically for guests and turned back to him shutting the door with my butt.

"Uhm…yes. Logan said I could borrow some of his sweats and a shirt." I nodded walking past him and went right to the guest bathroom turning on the light. "Listen…Kendall…" I saw him stop by the sink as I set his towel and robe on the sink but shook my head pulling back the shower curtain.

"The left handle is cold. Right is hot." I turned and took a step to walk out, but he blocked me.

"I'm sorry." My shoulders fell a little as he shrugged his own and looked right in my eyes. "I've come to terms with the fact that James and I are never going to be the same. Hell…we probably will never be together again. But I can't feel the same about you. You are the closets thing to a brother I've ever had and…"

"Then why have you lied to me?" He froze, and I crossed my arms over my chest and raised my eyebrows. "James didn't cheat on you Carlos. And he isn't the giant dickhead you've been telling Logan and I he is. That is shitty, you know, that right?" He bowed his head down quick and started playing with his fingers. "If you had come to me…at any point really, I maybe could have helped. Maybe Logan could have helped. But you chose to be a selfish stubborn jackass who likes to throw pity parties for himself. You chose to go to the bottle instead of me. The closets thing to a brother you've ever had." He looked up at me fast and I shook my head. "I am not going to let you come back to work, until you are sober. And I mean 100% sober Carlos. I can't risk my business…our business with a drunk easily spooked dick with anger issues." He closed his eyes fast and a few tears fell out. I felt no pity. I know I was coming off extremely harsh but with someone struggling with addiction, sometime the harsher, the better. He however, in typical Carlos fashion, was going to cry wolf and have James and probably Logan, defend him. That might make this whole situation worse for him.

"Okay Kendall." I lowered my arms fast from my body as he opened his eyes and continued to cry. "I will get sober. I promise you, I will fix this. I am so sorry I have done any of this, including going into work drunk and jeopardizing your whole lively hood. I'm sorry." My brain short circuited. He was apologizing? That was not very typical of an addict. Usually, everything wrong in their lives, is everyone else's fault. "Logan…he said he was going to talk to you first, but…he said if I needed help, I could always come here, and get it from you guys. I know that the only way I'm going to quit drinking…and I mean completely, I need help." I looked down fast breathing out hard hearing soft talking from out in the rest of the house, coming a little closer. "I don't trust myself alone Kendall. I…I need help." I moved forward fast, taking the 4 steps it took to get to him and pulled him into me. I hugged him tight just as Logan and James appeared in the doorway, Logan holding clothes, and James holding onto a steaming mug of something.

"Whatever you need from us, just let us know. We're here to help." There was a big smile that spread across Logan's face and it made my heart burst. "Why don't you take a shower, relax and get comfortable. We'll be out in the living room when you get out." He nodded against me before we pushed away from each other. He wiped his face fast and turned, to let me out of the bathroom, but stopped short seeing the two in the doorway. Logan quickly extended the clothes and Carlos took them looking away from James fast. I quickly walked out, putting a hand on Logan's shoulder, and pushed him out gently. As I walked past James we locked eyes. "Talk to him. But be gentle." He nodded once looking back into the bathroom as Logan pulled me away and down the hall.

Logan and I sat at the dining room table, him with his legs up on my own as we both ate quietly. He got a number of Chinese dishes from one of our favorite places. He got more than enough for 4 people to enjoy, but because the two in the bathroom, were still in fact in the bathroom, it looked like we over ordered. I took another bite of my sesame chicken as I looked at the huge amount of food and Logan pressed his heels into my left thigh. I glanced over to him seeing him very gracefully and skillfully using his chopsticks to eat his own chicken. I softly set a hand on his feet covered in socks still and he sighed out sitting back in his seat. "I think Carlos should stay with us until he's sober."

"I think Carlos should go to AA and move back in with his boyfriend."

"He doesn't have a boyfriend." I smirked as I reached for my beer and he laid his legs out over top of mine making me rub my hand over his sweats covered shins. "Do you think it's healthy to get right back into a relationship…the same one that led him to start drinking in the first place?"

"No. But Carlos is a grown man." Logan frowned setting his chopsticks down on his plate wiping his mouth with his napkin. "He isn't our responsibility Logan. We can't hold his hand through this. It has to be on his own terms at his own speed."

"He needs support."

"I agree. And the best place he can get that is in his own home with the love of his life." He chuckled as he grabbed his own beer and took a swig. "Obviously he can stay here for Thanksgiving. But if he starts to feel forced or pressured…he's going to spiral back into a dark place. And we'll be back at square one." Logan's legs were quickly off my lap and before I could put my fork down on my plate, he was pulling himself up on my lap. He put his hands on each side of my neck and held me in place, as he sat down on my lap, purposely pressing his groin into mine. I blindly set my fork on the table, trying to get it on my plate, but missing. I then quickly put my hands on his hips and sat back in my seat looking up at his big brown eyes.

"Do you remember the first time we kissed?" I smirked and nodded as he moved and put his lips just right in front of mine. "You took me by complete surprise. I think…no I know from the second you pressed your lips into mine I was in love with you." I closed my eyes as his breath cascaded down around my face and he pushed both hands to the back of my head, where he ran his fingers through my hair. "Besides the fact that you are an amazing kisser…do you know why I fell in love with you?" I opened my eyes back up as he grinded down on my crotch, again.

"Why?" He smirked as he grazed his lips over mine before softly biting my bottom lip. When he pulled away, his hands dropped down quick and while one cupped around my dick, the other pushed up and under the black hoodie I still had on. I moved my hands, to keep up with his speed, to his ass where I gripped harshly. He set his forehead on mine and closed his eyes, smiling small.

"Because the only reason you did it was because you were hurt by your best friend and your ex-boyfriend." His eyes opened back up and he gave me a devilish grin. "And then you fucked me in the front seat of your car before taking me to the hospital to get my knee looked at. You remember all that?" I laughed pushing both hands into his sweats and gripped onto his ass.

"What's your point?" He pushed into me, kissing me softly before trailing his kisses down to my cheek, and over my neck. He went right to my ear where he gently bit down onto before blowing inside.

"I know, you know…James and Carlos know how bad you felt for doing what you did. Because a part of you felt bad for Carlos. Because he apparently was into me." I moved one hand up fast and gently pushed him back, cupping his neck softly. "Do you know what that makes you?"

"A shitty person?" He frowned sitting back on my lap taking his hands off me. "What does any of this have to do with Carlos?"

"Your kind, big heart faults you Kendall. You aren't going to let anything happen to Carlos Kendall. That's why I love you." He smiled small raising one hand and ran it through my hair. "You care with your whole heart. No matter how many times someone hurts you, you find it in your heart to forgive and move on. Carlos…this situation is going to be no different. No matter how mad you are at him." I dropped my hand from his neck and looked down at the plain white t-shirt on him, smiling small. "You are such a good man Kendall. And you don't deserve half the shit that's been thrown at you. But Carlos needs our help."

"Okay." I looked back up to him and smiled wider. "You convinced me." He laughed grabbing the sides of my face and shoved his into mine. He kissed me hard, and immediately with an open mouth. I let his tongue glide around mine as he pushed up on me, pressing his dick down into mine. "I just want you to know…" I pulled away from his mouth, however he continued to kiss me down to my Adam's apple where he sucked. "It's not that I don't' want to help Carlos." I stopped as he continued to assault my neck and rub his dick on mine. "I don't want to have to see him in pain. And his withdraw from alcohol will be painful." Logan slowly pulled away from me, frowning again, just as I heard two pairs of footsteps lightly walking into the dining room. I turned my head fast and smiled wide at the two walking into us. Carlos, to my surprise was wearing the same sweater James has been wearing all day. And James had one hand on the back of Carlos's neck, both of them smiling small. Carlos blushed looking at Logan sitting on my lap, before he quickly went to the other side of our dining table and sat down clearing his throat. James wasn't too far behind and when they were both sitting, Logan pushed off me, and took his seat pulling his chair in closer to the table, picking up his chopsticks. "Take a shower Los?" I sat up slowly and glanced over to see James putting a plate in front of Carlos, quickly scooping rice onto his plate for him.

"Yes. It was really nice. The towels were super soft too Logan. You were right." I smirked picking up my fork looking over to Logan who was glowing as he again, used his chopsticks like a pro. "I…I appreciate you letting me stay here guys. Seriously."

"We're family Los. You are always welcome here." I nodded at Logan's words making Carlos sit forward and grab another pair of chopsticks. "Which means, you guys get to pick the movie tonight. Nothing scary." I sat back grabbing my beer seeing James glance over to me, smirking.

"Scary one Kendall?" Logan snapped his head to me fast and I nodded once. I was slapped on my chest hard by Logan who took the beer form my hand and stood up drinking the last of it as he walked into the kitchen. I only watched him until he was no longer visible and turned back to the other two. Carlos was looking down at the plate in front of him as James put some more food on it. I wanted to ask if their talk was a positive one but remained quiet noticing something a little…off. James looked nearly the same. Maybe a little happier. And Carlos, besides his eyes still sunken in, and his hair wet form his shower he looked…sad. I couldn't understand what it was. Until Logan walked back in. Carrying three beers. Carlos looked right up at him, and immediately sat back crossing his arms over his chest. Once Logan sat down, sliding a beer over to James who smiled big at it quietly thanking him. As Logan slid one over to me, I reached out softly, grabbing his arm and leaned into his ear.

"Carlos…" I pushed away fast sitting back in my seat and saw Carlos stand and shake his head.

"I need to use the restroom." He walked away from the table fast and disappeared within seconds. I swallowed hard and saw Logan blushing, pushing his beer away from him.

"I didn't even think…"

"It's okay." I put my hand on the back of his head and pulled him into me kissing his temple. "It's something we'll all have to get use to. Don't worry." He pushed away fast, grabbing his unopened beer and walking back into the kitchen fast. I looked across the table to James who was leaning on it, covering his mouth with both closed fists. "I…"

"He told me…while we talked, and he showered he wants me to move back in with him. To help him get sober. I told him I would."

"That's a good idea man." He nodded sitting back and grabbed his beer, opening it fast. "You do know, though, it's not going to be easy, right?"


	5. Chapter 5

**Logan's P.O.V.**

I was very, very close to sleep. I was warm, and comfortable, and actually a little tipsy. I had a strong, warm hand rubbing soothingly and softly up and down my side. It was all working out in my favor. I just needed to keep my eyes close and let it all lull me to sleep. But the soft sound of someone whispering around me, forced my eyes open, just a sliver, to see our huge living room lit up just a little from the TV still on. And walking in front of Kendall and I, on the couch were two bodies moving slowly quietly saying goodnight to Kendall. I watched as James and Carlos walked by, holding hands gently, and waited to move or speak, until they disappeared. I heard Kendall sigh softly, as he adjusted a little, making my head move on his thigh. When there was a soft door shutting back behind us from the hall, I slowly rolled onto my back and immediately looked up to see Kendall with his head back on the couch, not looking at me. I sneakily reached up and back and rubbed his left peck hearing him chuckle softly. "I knew you weren't asleep." His head raised up as he set his empty glass on the end table besides our couch. "James and Carlos just went to bed. Carlos was exhausted." I nodded lowering my hand from his chest and rolled my head to the side so I was looking up at our 65 inch flat screen TV. "You want to finish this movie? Or go upstairs?" I laughed loudly as his hand went to my chest, and under my sweater. He immediately started to rub my chest over my plain white shirt making me close my eyes again. "Why is that funny?"

"Cause were not going upstairs to sleep. You have never been good at nuance's." He laughed quietly and before I could move, he was off the couch, making my head hit onto it softly. I tried my very best to look offended, but he wasn't even looking at me. He was shutting off the TV and all of the stereo equipment, with his back to me. I yawned out quietly, sitting up and swinging my legs off the side of the couch. As I stood up, I slipped my hands on his hips and kissed on his right shoulder blade, over his dark grey long sleeved shirt.

"I'll meet you upstairs in a few. I need to clean up the kitchen." I frowned quickly wrapping my arms around his waist lying my cheek on his back closing my eyes.

"Babe the kitchen is clean."

"Not for Carlos." I opened my eyes fast and let him go as he turned around to face me. He smirked and leaned down, without touching me with his body, except his lips, and kissed my forehead. "I remember, one time, when I was 16 years old I woke up in the middle of the night hearing something from down stairs. Like someone was breaking into our house." I frowned as he stepped back putting his hands in his sweat pockets. "I went downstairs and found my dad had torn apart the kitchen looking for liquor. My mom was two steps ahead of him and hid all of it in a safe in our garage." I sucked in a hard breath as he chuckled and shrugged. "He's going to become very uncomfortable, very quick. We have to be two steps ahead of him. So i'm going to put all the liquor upstairs in our closet and throw out all the empty bottles in the outside trash. You would be surprised at how desperate alcoholics will get."

"He'll dig through the trash?" Kendall nodded, again, leaning down into me and kissed my cheek. "You want me to help?"

"No baby. Get to bed." I nodded back to him and watched him turn and grab my empty beer bottle, his empty beer bottle and the three other glasses him and James and Carlos had been drinking from. I watched him until he went into the kitchen before I scooped up my phone and turned to go to the stairs.

I stripped down to my boxers as soon as i got up to our room and went right to the master bath. I ran my hands through my hair looking at my naked torso squinting slightly. I could faintly see a few, fading white lines of scars, but didn't let it bother me. I grabbed my toothbrush, and the toothpaste and quickly started to brush my teeth as i started to put all of Kendall's and mine bathroom things away. Kendall was notorious for leaving out his comb, his cologne, his aftershave...any and everything. And usually, if I was in a hurry, like I was this morning before I went to get Carlos, I left all of it out as well. I opened up Kendall's drawer on the right side, and gently tossed his comb into the drawer while brushing my teeth and carefully set his aftershave in after. I shut the drawer with my hip and looked back up at the mirror and sighed out sticking my tongue out to brush that. As I continued to brush my teeth, I heard our bedroom door open along with the clink of bottles. I glanced over my shoulder looking into our room and watched Kendall walk to our huge walk in closet. Once he disappeared, I bent down fast, and spit out the toothpaste turning on the sink. "When was our last party...cause we didn't really have that much booze." I smiled as I rinsed my mouth out spitting the water out fast.

"We just haven't bought any liquor in a while. Usually we get the 6 pack of beer, and drink that. I think as we've gotten older, our will to get wrecked has left us." He chuckled deeply form the walk-in closet making my stomach flutter. "You know what we forgot at the store baby?" I heard his soft hum for an answer and bent down again cupping my hands, and letting them fill with water. I harshly splashed my face with the warm water and closed my eyes. "We have no laundry soap. And now we have guests, and three feet of snow out there." I pumped some of my face wash in my hand and gently started to rub it on my skin, in slow circles.

"Well...James said he was going to go to their house tomorrow to pick up some clothes since they will both be here for Thanksgiving. Maybe he cam pick some up for us and...what the hell?" I stood up slowly turning just a little and watched Kendall walk out of the closet holding onto one of my very many sketch pads. "When did you draw this?" I shrugged turning back to the sink and went to work on cleaning the soap off my hands and face. When I stood back up grabbing the black hand towel in between our two sinks, I frowned seeing Kendall sitting on the edge of the bed, looking at my sketch pad still. I dried my hands and my face and sighed out softly gently patting my skin on my face. "Babe seriously..you never cease to amaze me." I quickly threw the towel on the rack by the mirror and flicked off the light walking out to him. He looked up fast and turned the sketch pad over to me. I chuckled stopping in front of him and grabbed the pad, shaking my head. It was one of the very last designs of our new house. "So the sex room was always supposed to be my office?" I looked over the pad to Kendall who was smiling small at me.

"We don't have a sex room Kendall." My bare sides were gently grabbed as I looked back down at the sketch and had to smile. Everything i wanted, I envisioned for our house came to life. If it wasn't for Kendall, i wouldn't have been able to do any of it. I loved him for it. I sighed out tucking the sketch pad under my arm and eyed him as he smiled up at me, still gently holding me. "I'm very happy with how the house turned out." He nodded looking down and gently squeezed my sides.

"Me too. And again..." He looked back into my eyes and frowned. "Sorry my parents aren't coming and your parents aren't either." I shrugged turning and walked to my desk tossing the sketch pad onto the top of my Mac book.

"It's okay babe. Just another day of the year." He sighed as I turned back around, and saw him still sitting on the edge of the bed. I casually licked my lips as I walked towards him, immediately getting his attention. Before I could reach out, and set my hands on his shoulders, he grabbed me from behind my thighs and stood up fast. I instinctively wrapped my legs around his lower back and put my hands on his neck. He turned and started to climb up onto the bed, still holding me up as he kissed my open chest. "I don't want to be too loud...and wake up Carlos and James."

"I have a feeling..." Kendall let me go softly, and let me plop down on the bed in front of him. I huffed out and immediately laid back pushing on my boxers, to get them off my body. Kendall's hands replaced mine quick and he tore my boxers off. "They will be fucking just as much as we will be. James literally couldn't keep his hands to himself." I rolled my eyes turning my head to the side and reached out to the lamp on the nightstand. I started to move my body closer to it, so I could reach it. However, Kendall got to it first and clicked the light off, filling our room with darkness. Well, semi-darkness. As soon as the light was out, I titled my head back to look out our window above our bed and smiled at the snow still falling. It was so white outside, it was making it look like day time. "Do I get any attention?" I snapped my head to him quick and smirked seeing him pulling his shirt off. Every muscle and tattoo that came into view made my whole body shake with anticipation. By the time he got the shirt off, and he was over top of me, pushing my legs apart, I was hard. He leaned down fast putting his hands outside my head and smiled wide. "Did i tell you James and Carlos talked and they are going to be moving back in with each other?" Just as he leaned down to me, to kiss me, I reached up and cupped his cheek, turning my head.

"Wait...they are going to get back together? So soon?" Kendall raised up just a little and frowned down at me. "Carlos needs to get serious help. And he needs support. And getting back into a relationship that was so volatile is not healthy. We should be doing everything we can to help him Kendall, and I think convincing him not to get back with James is the way to do that." Kendall sat up fast sitting back on his feet, making me sit up just as fast. "Remember how we agreed to let him stay here so we can help?"

"That was before two grown adults had a grown adult conversation and decided what was best for them, themselves." I pushed back fast and leaned against the headboard watching him shrug. "We aren't in charge of what they do Logan. And as far as I'm concerned, James sort of created this mess, he should be the one cleaning it up." My mouth parted slowly and he shrugged. "Besides all that...it shouldn't be interfering with our lives." I laughed out and raised my eyebrows, almost as if in disbelief.

"The last time I checked, James didn't put a bottle to Carlos's lips. And I think if we are able to watch them together, Carlos won't spiral again."

"Are you just saying that because you actually want to help Carlos, or just want to have an excuse to stare at and flirt with James?" I went still as he laughed and leaned forward squinting at me, in the darkness. "Carlos and James are going to figure out their love life without our assistance. And whatever comes from it, comes from it."

"DO you think I've been flirting with James?" His head fell down to his chest as he groaned out quietly and I harshly shoved him and climbed off the bed. "You're such a fucking prick. You will find any reason at all to shit on James and I'm getting so sick of it." I quickly walked to my dresser, and opened the top drawer, grabbing my boxers. "No wonder your dad hates coming over here. You probably gave up on him when he needed you the most, just like your ready to do with your oldest friend." I snapped my boxers on hard and turned, but quietly gasped out. Kendall was jumping off the bed, his sweats hanging low and his chest rising hard and fast as he walked right to me.

"What did you just say about my dad?" He towered over me, and looked very pissed off. But it didn't scare me. He never did. He tried like hell, but it never worked. "Fuck you for thinking i'm giving up on him. I've been through this before Logan. I know what isn't going to work, and forcing him, and watching him like he's a God damn toddler is one of those things."

"No. You just don't want to have to deal with anything that isn't related to you because you're a selfish asshole." He moved in closer to me, forcing me to back up and hit my dresser. "And fuck you too Kendall. I haven't been flirting with James, nor staring." I shoved at his chest hard, making him back away from me huffing out harshly. I turned quick to our door and walked to it, grabbing my black sweater i was wearing earlier. As I slipped it on and stepped out, I harshly slammed the door shut behind me, making it echo through our rather quiet house. I ignored it for the time being as i rushed down the hall, hoping Kendall didn't follow me out, and take our fight out closer to our guests. When it stayed quiet behind me, I hopped down the stairs and bit my bottom lip clenching my fists at my sides. Guess i would be sleeping on the couch tonight.

i understood why I was tossing and turning all night, and it wasn't because the couch was uncomfortable. Because it was very comfortable. It was the fight I had with Kendall. It kept playing out, over and over in my head. From him being so ready to toss Carlos and his problems aside, to accusing me of flirting with James...I was completely pissed off at him. I couldn't understand his logic or reasoning and it made me only get about an hour of sleep. I watched the snow fall outside, and contemplated putting the TV on but i just laid curled up under one of my throw blankets trying to figure out what I would say to Kendall in the morning. And that morning came a lot faster then I was anticipating.

I first noticed it was morning because the snow had stopped falling and through two thick grey storm clouds, the sun was trying to come out. I almost got up, to get myself a cup of coffee, but stayed lying down when I heard a door creak open, and then shut softly. I waited, on my back, my hood on my head, and the blanket tucked in, all the way up under my chin. I swallowed hard and tensed up as soon as I saw who it was. Unfortunately, it was James. And because why not, he was walking out, in a pair of dark blue jeans, and nothing else. He didn't notice me at first, because he went right to the front door, and slid on his snow boots. Before he turned around to face me, I sat myself up and looked away from his bare, strong tan back, fast. I yawned quietly pushing the blanket off me and put my feet on the ground by the coffee table. "Fuck." I looked up fast, pushing my hood off and smiled wide at James who was panting hard walking towards the coffee table. "I didn't even see you there...I was just going to go see if I could bum a shirt off you guys. I let Carlos wear mine since he...uhm..." He paused and grabbed his car keys off the coffee table. "He got real sick last night. Threw up a little on himself. Thank God he was already in the bathroom. And I already cleaned all of it up. I will need to wash a few hand towels though. Sorry." I stood up slowly and frowned as his eyes shifted down to my bare legs.

"Why'd he get sick?" James looked back up to my face and smiled small putting his hands in his pockets. "Why don't you tell me when we go to your house and the store? And i'll go get one of Kendall's shirts." I went to take a step around the coffee table but his arm gently grabbed me and we locked eyes.

"Why are you sleeping out here?" I blushed hard and looked down shaking my head. "Kendall being a dick?" I laughed and looked back up to see him shaking his head. "Do you want me to just go out? I can pick whatever up at the store."

"No. I would really like to go with. Get out of the house and what not." James let me go and nodded. I quickly walked to the stairs and took them two at a time. When I got up, I heard a door open, followed by Carlos's small tired voice. I went right to my bedroom, and opened it slowly peering inside. I was taken aback. Kendall was sitting up in our bed, shirtless, just like how he was last night. He was leaning over his computer typing harshly. I stepped in quietly, and shut the door just as quiet. He heard it still though, and looked up sitting back. I pushed off the door and looked away from him going right to our dressers. "James needs to borrow a shirt. We're going to the store."

"Together? Alone?" I froze with my hands on the second drawer and remained looking down at the wood on the dresser. "Be careful. It's gonna start snowing again." I looked over my shoulder fast and clenched my jaw hard seeing him back to his typing.

"You aren't going to apologize to me? At all?" He looked back up and chuckled shaking his head.

"Are you?" I huffed out, turning back to the dresser and pulled his drawer open. "Seriously. Please be careful."

"You're a real piece of work you know that Kendall?" I yanked out one of his black long sleeved shirts and slammed the dresser. I moved quick to pull my jeans on my legs, along with a pair of thick wool socks, and my snow boots. As I turned out of our closet, shutting off the light I stared at Kendall who was getting off the bed adjusting his sweats around his dick. I stepped out of the closet completely and put my head down seeing him walking towards me.

"Logan." His voice was quiet and soft and so was his and as he grabbed my arm. I looked up at him as he leaned in quick and kissed my cheek. "I love you and i'm asking you to be careful." He let me go fast and spun walking off towards our master bath. I watched up until he got inside and turned to the door. I know, a lot of the times we get into arguments...we make up rather quickly. But not this time. And usually if we did fight, and we had to leave each other, we made sure the other still knew, we loved him. Just as i put my hand on the door knob, i remembered just that and swallowed hard.

"I love you too Kendall." I looked over my shoulder hearing footsteps and watched him stand in the doorway of the master bath, brushing his teeth. "I'll let you know when we're on the way back." He nodded once, and turned back in the bathroom. I let out a shaky breath and pulled the door open, walking out fast.


End file.
